Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Happy New Year



Happy New Year!


This is a perfect day to start a new blog! There is always something special about New Year's Day. We all feel it, don't we? Clean, pure, and unblemished--like the white snow that blankets my yard. New Year's Day is always filled with hope, resolutions and the idea of a fresh start! Several people called to wish Doug and I Happy New Year, adding I hope it is better for you than the last. 2007 was not an easy year for us and the changing of the calendar really does little to change our circumstances, but it still speaks of a fresh beginning.


Having gone through 54 of these "New Year's Day" fresh starts, I am growing wiser or maybe more realistic in understanding that while it is just a date on a calendar it is also perfect time to take stock of where I am, and to set some goals. As the years have progressed I find my goals to be more realistic, and hence, more likely to be accomplished! It is difficult when some of one's goals seem to fall outside of the realm of my control, for example, getting moved depends on our house selling. But lack of control makes one feel helpless, and that is not useful. I need to be responsible for those things that I can do, and then know that ultimately I am not in control. It is all in God's hands. I can make sure the house is in tip top shape, develop some schemes to advertise but I cannot make someone buy our house. Learning to know myself and my weaknesses is very valuable in overcoming them. Too often it is easy to just slide from day to day, but New Year's seems to be the perfect time to take stock, make plans and set goals. Happy New Year!

Friday, June 27, 2003

Jesus Longs for our Trust





"....But the boat was already a long distance from the land, battered by the waves; for the wind was against them.  And in the fourth watch of the night He came to them, walking on the sea.  When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, "It is a ghost!" And they cried out in fear.  But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid." Peter said to Him, "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water."  And He said, "Come!" And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus.   But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, "Lord, save me!"  Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and *said to him, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?"   When they got into the boat, the wind stopped.  And those who were in the boat worshiped Him, saying, "You are certainly God's Son!"   Matthew 14:24-33 (NASB) 

As I was reading and meditating on this passage, I had such a sense of how much Jesus longs for us to trust Him.  When Peter climbed out of that boat to walk on the water, he looked down at the waves and started to sink.  Jesus said, "Oh you of little faith, Why did you doubt?"  I had always thought of these words as a rebuke.  But then yesterday it was so clear to me, He revealed His heart in those words.  They were words of disappointment--sadness.  He so longs for someone to walk on the waters with Him.  He longed for those who knew Him best to overcome the limits of this world and by faith in Him reach the heights for which He created them.

He was rooting for Peter!  When Peter sank, He was so quick to grab him up, and did not allow him to flounder, but oh, how he wanted to see Peter walk to Him.  As long as Peter kept his eyes on Jesus, he walked on the water.  It was when he looked down and saw the waves that he lost his faith and began to sink.

It made me see faith, my desire for faith in a different way.  I believe I had picked up an understanding of faith as the necessary ingredient to getting prayers answered, a necessary ingredient to living our Christian lives...but it was in meditating on this passage that I saw faith is not some magical thing we need to have to make things "happen" but the measure of trust in Jesus that reaches Him despite the storms.  I desire to live by faith, not to "get answers to prayer" but to bless the heart of the One who longs for us to totally trust in Him.  Blessed is she who believes what has been spoken to her by the LORD!  By faith,  we can leap upon the mountains and walk on the water.  If we have faith in Him, we can go with Him wherever He goes, wherever He wants to take us and we will trust Him and not limit His ability to work in our lives.   Our faith blesses Him and causes us to meet the longing in HIS HEART for us  to be with Him where He is at.  He desires.  He longs.  He hopes.

I was seeing how Jesus set up this situation with the disciples in the boat to let them display their faith.  They had already gone through a storm in a boat with Jesus sleeping.  There they had revealed their lack of faith.  They had even really maligned Jesus love for them by asking Him if He even cared that they were perishing.

They had just watched Jesus feed the five thousand.  Then He sent them out in the boat, and He went to the mountain to be alone and pray.  He knew another storm was brewing.  It was an opportunity for them to show Him they were beginning to believe.  Beginning to break free from the constraints of this natural world and trust Him.  They really had not yet grasped WHO HE IS.   When Jesus had earlier calmed the storm, they asked "what kind of man is this...?"  This time they worshipped Him and KNEW that He was the Son of God.  This time they passed the test!!  Even though Peter sank, he had the faith to climb out of that boat and for even a brief moment walk on the water!! 

LORD,  I pray for our families, that You will prepare their hearts to KNOW YOU and to TRUST YOU to help them to weather the storms that You allow to come into their lives.  I pray that they will know that You do CARE.  That You long for them to trust You, so that You can lift them up and hold them as the waves batter them.  That You will be with them til their feet are planted surely upon the firm ground of heaven.  Lord, cause our families to WORSHIP YOU and KNOW YOU as the Son of God.  Speak to the Storms that batter them now, Speak stillness into their hearts.

I want to go back and look at the other situations where the Lord said, "Oh, you of little faith."  I had always read them as rebukes.  But when I was reading this the other day, it was as if deep understanding came with the words to see Jesus heart.  It is hard to even put it into words.  It was the longing for "companionship" but more than that, for koinonia, for closeness for someone to break through the barriers and limits of this natural world in order to be with Him, to be able to drink fully of all that He holds for us, not for those things, but for the joy of being totally free to trust Him. 

Lord give me the faith to get out of the boat and walk on water at Your command!  Fix my eyes so totally on You that I can't hear all the lies and arguments telling me that I can't do it!  If you say I can walk on water, LORD help me to believe You.  Help me to forget the storms raging around me.  Focus my eyes on you so that nothing else matters but Jesus.  Amen



Saturday, June 23, 1984

God Said He Would Live



Little Guy was one of three kittens born of Lacy’s second litter.  He was a purebred Persian.  Lance and Lacy were both beautiful show quality Persians.  Lacy's first litter of five kittens (two white, one silver and two jet black) all died within a day or two of birth.   I tried to hand feed them, but she had no milk and they missed their mother’s first milk because they were born while I was at work.  In this litter, the first two kittens were born normally, but Little Guy was a breach and I had to assist his birth and wasn’t expecting him to be alive when he finally came into this world, but he was weak but still alive.  This time I was able to get  the kittens nursing immediately.  But the next morning one of the white kittens died.  Though they had nursed all night, it was clear their little tummies were empty.  

I was determined to do all I could to save these kittens.  I called my mother, who said they had a stray mama cat at the Humane Society with four 3 week old kittens.  I gathered Lacy and her two kittens and off we went to Sioux Falls.  Ryan was about 3 years old and he was praying for these kittens.  All day long my mom watched over the kittens with their surrogate mother.  They nursed but she repeatedly rejected them.  By late afternoon, the other white kitten was weak and gasping.  His belly bloated and he was obviously in pain.  Ryan and I prayed God would end his suffering which we were unable to “fix.”  He died in our hands almost immediately.  Little Guy, the weakest and smallest of the ittens was still alive….  He continued to try to nurse the stray mama. Lacy loved him and kept him clean but she had no milk.  The other kittens pushed him away from the surrogate mother.  I fed him every three hours.  I felt myself in an unseen battle to save this kitten.  I prayed constantly and asked myself why this kitten was so important.

I remember one night going for a walk and praying.  In between pleading for God to heal this kitten, I was asking God if I was fighting too hard for this one kitten when there were so many other uses for my time-- so many people who needed prayer… after all, this was “just a kitten.”  I felt the distinct impression of God’s voice saying this kitten would live.  Several
 weeks went by and Little Guy was smaller than a newborn kitten.  He had not grown at all.  He was thin and weak.  The other kittens were strong and growing every day.  They pushed Little Guy away when he attempted to nurse. … yet he lived.  Since he did not get the new mother’s milk, he was constantly plagued with constipation.  I had to give him mineral oil, and enemas.  There were times that I was sure he was going to go the same way the 2nd white kitten had gone.  One time Darcy was holding him and we’d tried everything to get a bowel movement, nothing worked.  I told her I was going to go and pray… he immediately did what none of our efforts could accomplish.  Darcy’s eyes were opened to the power of prayer. 

At six weeks of age, he had now grown at all.  He was still the same size as a new born kitten.   My mom knew how hard I worked to save him and she felt she needed to keep me from being disappointed.  She told me over and over there was no way this kitten could make it.  And still he remained alive. 

The stray mama cat, as it turned out was covered in fleas, but I was afraid to use any chemicals on her or the kittens lest she ingest the toxins into her system and poison her milk.  Little Guy was also covered with fleas and his hair all fell out.  I knew the fleas were further sapping his strength and I tried to pick them off as best I could.

The stray mother was still his best source of milk, but she would take him out of the nice warm comfort of her bed and leave him alone on the cold linoleum.  One night, I came in to find the window open and a freezing cold wind blew through the window and this tiny kitten was laying on the cold floor in a puddle of water the mother cat had spilled.  He was nearly frozen, stiff and barely moving.  I warmed him up and dried him off, feeling there was no way he could survive this setback … and yet he lived! 

When he was four months old, Darcy came to visit with a litter of Persians.  They were about six weeks old and they looked enormous next to my scrawny little baby who could still fit in the palm of my hand.  He was about 3 inches tall.  We took pictures of him with her kittens because no one would believe he could be so stunted and still be alive. 

It was about this point that the other kittens got hold of him, pretending he was a mouse and sliced his tail.  He developed a bad infection and I could feel the heat of his fever before I even touched him, the heat just radiated off him.  I took him to the vet, who gave him antibiotics but he told me that he had no hope the kitten would survive given his terrible condition.  He said even the medication might kill him.   But he lived!!

What was really amazing was that even though he was that tiny and fighting for his life, he had the most loving heart!  You could hear his purr through a closed door.  His purr was so loud, you would not believe it could come from this tiny little frail body!  As he grew older, he wanted to use the litter pan, but he was too tiny to climb over the edge, so I had to adapt a cake pan for him. 

Several weeks after Darcy's visit, I was sleeping in the guest bedroom since Doug was gone.  I woke up in the night and the only way I can describe it was I sensed God’s healing presence in the house.  It was as if He was hovering in the room.  Lacy and Little Guy were sleeping in her bed in the closet because it was one of the warmest spots in the house.  I did not get up, but I sensed this presence was hovering over Little Guy.  I could not tell an immediate change in him.  He was eating on his own now but from that night, he started to grow.  His coat came in and he grew and grew!  He ended up being a 12 pound cat, much larger than his mother and nearly the same size as his dad!! 

I came to realize this was not just about a little kitten.  This was not just about God giving us a gift of a precious gentle kitten.   This was a lesson about faith.   It was God showing me that I can trust Him and believe what He tells me.   That faith is a decision not based on what we see but upon Who He is and what He has spoken.  This was a living miracle enacted before our eyes that not only strengthened my faith, it also showed Darcy and my mom that God is capable of miracles in our lives!!! 

We had Little Guy for twelve years, and during that time he helped me raise baby birds, loved on baby hamsters, played gently with our chinchillas, and was best friends with our baby bunny.  His shining moment was after the flood of ’97 when a man rescued a puppy from a guy who had just drowned the mama dog and the rest of her litter in the flood waters.  Since the vet’s office was under water, she asked me if I could take the little week old puppy to hand feed.  I brought him home and when he heard the puppy’s cries, Little Guy immediately became the puppy’s surrogate mother.  He stayed with the puppy night and day, keeping him clean and warm  and loved until he was old enough to be weaned. 

I believe the reason that Little Guy was so full of love for all of God’s creatures is that he was a total  miracle himself.  I have no doubt in the world that the only reason we had Little Guy was that God chose to give us this kitten as a gift and witness of His love.