Washing Jesus Feet

Mary and Martha were sisters, very different from one another in personality.  Mary was the sister who chose to sit at Jesus feet and soak in His teaching while her sister Martha felt left to prepare the meal and be a good hostess.  Lately, the LORD has been dealing with me regarding the balance of "sitting at His feet," and "washing His feet."  Mary did both of these things!  I have always been the Mary sort who loves to sit and meditate on His Word and marvel at His teachings and pray.  It is such a wonderful "ivory tower" sort of experience.

In the past several years, the LORD has taken me to work in a variety of nursing homes, hospitals and home health locations as a speech and swallowing therapist.  I have struggled with the amount of time this job takes from my time in the prayer closet.  In this busy and intense setting there is little time to sit at Jesus feet, but there are plenty of opportunities for washing His feet.  He is showing me that true prayer should take me out of the ivory tower and into the byways where His people are located.  It is so much easier to pray for the lost from the comfort of one's footstool, than to get one's hands dirty, washing the stained, calloused and smelly feet of a child of God who has strayed from His path.  In other words, He has shown me that the true test of my prayers is being willing to walk out His love in actual performance of acts of love toward others.

This message came through loud and clear after a wonderful time of prayer.  A friend and I had each driven about an hour to meet in a nursing home parking lot for a few hours of prayer before I went to work. The Lord led us into an intense time of praying for the elderly and we were asking Him to move mightily in the nursing homes of this country to bring revival, to pour hope into the hearts of the aged, and to use elderly saints in a place of fruitfulness in the Church.

I was watching the clock and dreading the end to our prayer time.  As the time came for me to clock in at work, I closed our prayer time saying, "Lord, I wish I could stay here and pray!  I’d much rather pray than work with those old people on their speech and swallowing....oops!!  Just how sincere, He asked me, were all of those high and lofty prayers?  Ouch!!  Again and again, I come back to the fact that it is not our words alone, but our lives that become prayer and intercession before His throne.  What we do to the least of these, we have done unto Him.  Is our service to others worship to Him?  Is it done with joy?

It is certainly one thing to pray with an open Bible, eyes heavenward and another thing to hold the calloused, dirty foot of a dying alcoholic with lung cancer who is coughing up blood and trim his crusty deformed toe nails or to swab the mucous out of a mouth filled with sores...  Jesus walked amongst the lepers and healed them.  Jesus allowed His hands and feet to get dirty as He walked amongst the sick and the sinners.

The LORD is showing me how neat and tidy I want things to be but Mary washed His dusty feet and anointed Him for burial.  Sometimes the realities aren't as romantic as we envision them from our ivory tower!!

Only by His Grace,

Tami

This was originally titled, "Mary and Martha" and was written August 28, 1997.

Free From the Dread of Evil

The news is filled with disasters, tragedies, war, and suffering. It seems like everywhere we look, there are opportunitites for terror. We are really living in "perilous times." It is easy to look for and expect the worst to happen.  It is real!  We have an enemy who is lurking in the shadows of darkness, seeking to make us his prey!  Do you experience times when the sense of darkness and evil grips your heart with a heavy sense of impending doom?  There are times when I feel weighed down with dread of an encroaching darkness threatening myself, my family or my job.  As I was praying about this, I came to understand that God does not want us to fear evil but to live free from the "dread" of evil.  How do we live free from this sense of dread when we live in a society that is crumbling around us and where evil seems to win?

I found the phrase "dread of evil" used several times in the Bible.  In each case, the Word proclaims God is victorious over all darkness and evil and that He can be trusted in such times. We must make the choice to stand in faith and place our trust in the LORD.  The battle we fight is to keep our eyes on the LORD and place our faith in Him.  He promises,  "But he who listens to Me shall live securely and be free from the dread of evil." Prov. 1:33

I have been meditating on Joshua and Caleb for many years. They were men of faith that was forged out of a relationship with God.  Moses sent twelve spies into the Promised Land and when they returned, ten declared that there were giants in the land, too large and fierce for the Israelites.  They saw themselves as grasshoppers compared to the fierce violent warriors who occupied the land. Joshua and Caleb were the only ones who did not bring back a bad report.  They declared that yes, there were giants in the land, but through their God they could overcome them.  It is not coincidental that those who had faith and did not fear were two men that the Word declares walked closely to their God, they knew Him!  Joshua had remained in the tent of meeting with the LORD.  It is said that Caleb "followed hard after God all the days of his life." 

David was a man who faced his share of giants!  There was a point in his life, when he was being hunted by King Saul that the Philistines took his wives, children and belongings as well as those of the band of men who were following David.  His men blamed David and threatened to kill him.  David certainly would have had a strong sense of being surrounded by evil and darkness.  His response gives us an example of how to walk in these times.  The word says that David strengthened or encouraged himself in the LORD.   In this time of prayer and fellowship with the LORD, God gave him directions by which to recover all that had been stolen.

In the well loved Psalm 23 that has brought so much comfort to so many, David also spoke of living without any fear of evil. He declared, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me. Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies..."  In fact, he ends with a declaration of certainty that goodness and lovingkindness will be with him all the days of his life. That is what we so desperately need right now! Not just the absence of the dread of evil, but the certain hope that our lives hold goodness and lovingkindness. 

 

I don't believe we are to ignore that sense of darkness when we discern that it is lurking near.  We are to actively pray, stand fast to battle it, but in quietness and confidence that our God is greater.  Psalm 46 declares we can have hearts full of peace in the midst of a disintegrating world, in the midst of war.  God is to be our hope, our refuge, a present and well-proven help in time of trouble.  God will be with us, a fortress and a high tower.  We are to be still, know and recognize that He is God and He is with us.  Jesus said that He would never leave us, or fail us, or forsake us.  When we truly know Him, we can put our faith in Him and know that we truly have nothing to fear on this earth.   

Under the shelter of His Wings

"Those who live in the shelter of the Most High

will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty...

He will shield you with his wings,

He will shelter you with His feathers.

His faithful promises are your armor and protection."

Ps. 91:1,4

I do so love the way the LORD gives us pictures that can help us to understand His ways through nature and in simple sights around us. I looked at the little ducklings and imagine how safe and protected they must feel, hidden in their father's wings. His waterproof feathers keeping them safe and dry in the storms they face. The picture is not only one that speaks of safety and protection, it speaks of great intimacy and love of the parent for their offspring. It reminds me that our God is not far away or indifferent, but desires to draw us close and keep us nestled in the safety of His presence.

Jesus wept over Jerusalem, stating that He longed to gather them as a mother chicken would gather her young under her wings, but they were not willing. I was watching a nature program one day and a father bird and his newly hatched chicks were spread out along the edge of a lake. The father saw a hawk coming and made a piercing call to his young. The babies did not see the danger but immediately responded to the father bird's call. He spread his wings and the babies hid in safety until the danger had passed by. I've always remembered that scene and pray for the sensitivity to His Spirit that I will hear His voice and respond to His call to hide under His wings.

"Keep me as the apple of your eye,

Hide me under the shadow of your wings."

Ps. 17:8

A God of Wonders

"But as for me, I would seek God,

And I would place my cause before God;

Who does great and unsearchable things,

Wonders without number.

He gives rain on the earth,

And sends water on the fields.

Job 5:8-10

In his book, "Taste and See: Savoring the Supremacy of God in all of Life," John Piper drew my attention to something I had missed in my previous readings of this verse in Job. Eliphaz, the writer of this passage, lifts up God, describing Him as one who does great and unsearchable things..."wonders without number." Do you consider it odd that his first example is something that we all not only all experience often, but also frequently complain about? ... rain? Did you ever think of rain as a great and unsearchable wonder? I try to be grateful for the rain, having lived through times of drought, and come to realize it as a gift of God, but I never thought of rain as "a wonder." John Piper shared some facts about rain that have totally changed my understanding of this "wonder" of the LORD's creation. For Job and his friends to have experienced this wonder, water would have to be carried in the sky from the Mediterranean Sea several hundred miles away and then poured out on fields from the sky. How does this happen? It would not just be for the uneducated mind to wonder at this phenomena. The more one knows about the process, the more amazing it truly is! John Piper says, "...if one inch of rain falls on one square mile of farmland during the night, that would be 2,323,200 cubic feet of water, which is 17,377,536 gallons, which is 144,735,360 pounds of water." That is just the amount of water on one square mile!! I learned about evaporation and condensation in school, but I never really think about how incredible this process truly is. How does it work? John Piper described the process, "water starts becoming water again by gathering around little dust particles between .00001 and .0001 centimeters wide...the salt is taken out. So the sky picks up millions of pounds of water from the sea, takes out the salt, carries the water for three hundred miles, and then dumps it (now turned into water) on the farm. If it just dumped millions of pounds of water on the farm, the wheat would be crushed. So the sky dribbles the millions of pounds of water down in little drops. And they have to be big enough to fall for one mile or so from the sky without evaporating, and small enough to keep from crushing the wheat stalks." It does this through coalescence, which means that "specks of water start bumping into each other and join up and get bigger, and when they are big enough, they fall." It really is one of God's wonders, isn't it? Our God truly does all things well!!

Longing for Spring

The first snow of the season is falling tonight. Already the world is transformed from shades of brown and red, to that of white and silver. I find my heart already sighing, longing for the first signs of spring! Those of us who live in the Midwest complain and whine about the cold, snow and ice, longing for this season to be over. We herald the return of the robins and the firt signs of spring. Yet as passionately as we long for spring, how much more should we long for the return of our King. In asmuch as the earth lies under the curse of winter, so this world lies under the curse of separation for our Lord Jesus. Like Narnia, it is always winter, never spring! The early Church prayed frequently: Maranatha! LORD!! Maranatha!! This prayer proclaimed the longing of their hearts, "Lord, come quickly!" May the Church be sick with love for her LORD and not rest content until we are united with Him!! Maranatha!!

Longing for Morning

"My soul waits for the LORD, more than those who watch for the morning!" Ps. 130:6

Andrew Murray said, "When there is a shipwreck at midnight, with what longing the sailors look for the morning! How often the sigh goes up, "When will the day break?" Similarly, the Christian must wait on God and rest patiently until His light shines upon him."

Andrew Murray calls his readers to begin each day with prayers, especially asking the LORD to make His face to shine upon His servant (Ps. 31:16, Ps. 80:3). He says, "Do not rest until you know the light of His countenance and His blessing is resting upon you."

And Iron Entered His Soul

I have been meditating a lot on the life of Joseph. He is one who early on in life had a sense of God's calling him to a high purpose in life. He had dreams. He had a position of favor in his family. I wonder how many times Joseph asked himself, "What happened?" ...Why did his family turn on him and reject him? How could he end up in a dungeon when he had tried so serve and walked in integrity, even in captivity? How had his life spun so wildly out of control? I can identify so much with Joseph and the questions that undoubtedly entered into his mind in those dark days of imprisonment. Yet, we've read Joseph's story from beginning to end and we know that those days were part of God's plan. God never lost control and He never made a mistake in moving Joseph into exactly the place He wanted him to be for His purposes. Psalm 105:17-19 has an interesting insight regarding this time that Joseph spent in prison. It says that this was a testing time for Joseph. F.B. Meyer notes that where it says, "His soul entered into iron," we also might translate this into our language as saying, "Iron entered into his soul." I often think of God's testing as one in which He seeks to find our weaknesses, but in fact, a study of God's testing reveals that in these times, as we yield to Him, He creates in us strength. It is when we go through a trial that God is able to forge His strength in the place of our weaknesses. Without the times of trial and testing we would happily go along on our own strength, never realizing we are ill-prepared for the next phase of our lives.

Cosmic Battle in the Heavenlies

Click on this picture to see full size version!

This amazing picture is not from a science fiction movie, it was taken by the Spitzer Space Telescope, which lifted off from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station in Florida on August 25, 2003. This picture is of several generations of stars amid curtains of clouds in a region called W5, about 6,500 light-years away. I am fascinated with photographs of microscopic or the telescopic that reveal a universe to us that is beyond our own ability to see! We cannot see this with our naked eye, but that does not mean that it does not exist. Until recently we did not have a way to even imagine such a picture! But, it also reminds me of a cosmic battle in the heavenlies, described in the Bible, which is also beyond our ability to see or even really comprehend. The Bible reveals times in which a certain person's eyes were opened to see the angelic hosts, but we are told that there is a place in the heavenlies where the armies of the LORD battle with the hosts of darkness. Seeing this picture makes one realize that we can never discount what our eyes cannot see!

A Little Bit of Whimsy

Moose are God's Creatures, too

 

Moose have always fascinated me!!  Do you ever wonder what God was thinking when He created the moose?  He is such a contrast to the elegant and so symmetrical cousin, the deer!!  One has to wonder how those who believe in evolution can explain how two such different and yet similar species emerged from the same glob of goo!!  The moose, with his hind legs shorter than his front, and his oddly shaped face, little eyes and big nose and antlers that look like a science experiment gone awry, all point to a God who is incredibly diverse in His creation and a God who has a sense of humor!!  He does all things well, and in the moose we see that He created an animal that is powerfully strong, massive in size and with a neck built to hold up those fierce antlers.  It amazes me that those antlers can span 6 feet across and that he grows a new pair every year!!  The male moose  stands six feet tall at the shoulders and can weigh up to 1600 pounds!!  Isn't that incredible? 

 

A moose can be very dangerous, and my sister, Peggy, who lives in Alaska has had several close run-ins with a moose.  But they do have their tender side, too.  I love this video, and could not figure out how to embed it in this blog, so just click on the link, and enjoy. 

 

http://www.maniacworld.com/twin-baby-moose-in-sprinkler.html

El Shaddai

The Hebrew name "El Shaddai" is one of the most beautiful names of all the LORD found in the Old Testament. In our English translations, El Shaddai is usually translated,"Almighty God" which I think carries the sense of great might or power. This is not wrong, but it really only gives us a small part of the picture. El Shaddai literally means, 'many-breasted one." It is always associated with God's great might or power to bless His people and make bountiful provision for them. You will notice the name El Shaddai is used in those contexts of a promised blessing. It is a covenant name that He gives to His children as a promise of blessings that often are not yet seen. He is truly the LORD who does abundantly beyond all we can ask or think!!

Poem written by unknown believer in Russia

David Benson has selflessly served the Christians of Russia for many, many years. I have been a subscriber of his newsletter, "Russia for Christ," for the past twenty years or more. This past issue he shared about a visit he made to the Red Square, in which a young man approached him, and stuffed his pocket with a crumpled fistful of papers, saying, "You will know what to do with these. When he returned to his room he found that they were poems, one of which he shared in the newsletter. I am sharing it with you, because it so touched my heart. If you would like more information about this ministry, drop me an email and I will send you the contact information.

When someone suffers...

Amy Carmichael wrote a wonderful book, called "Rose from Brier" during a period of prolonged illness. I have turned to this book time and time again when going through trials. She has placed a tiny little poem in her introduction which I have thought of so many times, because it speaks so succinctly of the well intentioned words of others in times of our suffering.

The toad beneath the harrow knows
Exactly where each tooth point goes;
The butterfly upon the road
Preaches contentment to that toad.

How many times have I, with well-meaning intentions, offered cheap platitudes in the face of the crushing suffering another was going through? How often have my words, rather than bringing comfort as I desired, further burden the sufferer with words that totally lacked understanding of what they were going through? In 1988, I prayed, "Lord, help me never to offer empty words that offer no comfort. Protect me from speaking that which I do not understand, but only that which Your Spirit and Word has illumined to me." Now I would add the prayer, "Lord, help me to be kind to those whose intentions are kind, and merciful to forgive their ignorant, stock phrases!!'

I remember when, I found myself sitting at the side of an aunt, knowing that her husband of 30 or more years had only hours to live. She wanted to know why, she wanted to know how she could survive and I knew that I could not answer her on a superficial level. And then I felt the LORD give me the words, "I don't know why you are going through this trial, I don't know what God's plans are for you, but this I do know: He loves you very much, and He will never leave you, or fail you, or forsake you. You are not alone." I drove home that day, not knowing that those few words would be what the LORD would use to sustain her through the days of the funeral, the days of grieving, and the days when she sought to learn how to live alone. Then, several years later, she told me, on the day of her wedding to a wonderful man, that not a day had gone by that those words had not echoed in her mind and given her comfort and encouragement and strength to go on.

There are times when someone suffers that no words can suffice, when words cannot ease the pain, or make the problems better. The person suffering can recognize a hollow or superficial word with uncanny discernment. To be told that what we are going through is God's will, or part of God's plan may be perfectly true, but the words themselves can do nothing to shift the reality of the trial. I have found in Christian circles in America, that we love words, ideas, and lofty ideals, and are most willing to offer them to one another, but we are far less generous when it comes to tangible support. To tell a starving person that God intends it for good, while one sits at a table laden with food, is to make a mockery of the LORD and His Word. When a friend suffers, are we willing to suffer with them, are we willing to try to relieve that suffering? Just how far are we willing to try to help carry another person's burdens? Do we offer words because we want to make their problem go away and rid ourselves of the discomfort we feel in the face of suffering?

Amy Carmichael expressed this frustration over the misguided, "helpful" words of others so well in "Rose from Briar" and how their words "rankled like a thorn." I love the heart and the understanding that she arrived at, which offers true comfort to the sufferer! She said that friends seemed to think her physical suffering was meant to crush her in order to make her more usable. She says, "and was the Father breaking, crushing, forcing by weight of sheer physical misery, a child, who only longed to obey His lightest wish?" She described the peace she had in her time of trial before the words came, and the loss of peace that such words brought to her spirit. She said she felt no peace until this word from the LORD came to her saying, 'let not your heart be troubled, do I not understand? What dosuch words matter to Me or to thee?" And then I knew that the Father understood His child, and the child, her Father, and all was peace again."

We must be careful not to let the voices of others obscure what God is speaking to our hearts! We must not lean on our own understanding, and certainly not the understanding of others, but allow the voice of the Master to make things clear in His time and in His way. He understands, and that is what really matters. "Let it be, and think of Me."

"And all Creation Sings"

I have always loved the art work of Sheri Bruck Baldwin. I am enthralled with the way she captures nature in its detail and perfection, but still conveys the beauty and color in Creation. She shows such patience in her work and is so conscious of the very small details. You get the impression that you are looking at nature through her eyes, not a mere photograph of nature, but a distilling, and pulling out the essence.

I grew up very blessed to be surrounded by family who loved nature. I remember my Great Grandmother finding a very large potato worm in the garden, and taking the time to go and get me, put him in jar with leaves to eat so I could watch him turn into a coccoon. My Grandmother and mother also had this love for all of creation, and instilled it in me from the earliest age. My brother, Todd, my mom and I have talked about Uncle Donald many times and the mark that our days spent with him left on us. My mom knew him in his younger days, describing him as drop dead gorgeous and quite a flirt. She remembers seeing him show up at their house in his fancy chauffer's uniform, looking for all the world like a movie star, at the wheel of a fancy limosene. He had also worked as a horse jockey, which made him even more romantic in my eyes!

But I have my own very special memories of visiting my Great Uncle Donald on his farm. He was probably in his 40's by this time, married and father of nearly grown children. He was still a tall, well built man of dark complexion, hinting at the Native American heritage on his father's side. He was still incredibly handsome! Perhaps it was that Native American blood that caused him to hunger for the things of the raw earth. He was a self-made naturalist who preferred to spend his time exploring nature over working in the fields. His wisdom regarding the world of nature inspired both my brother and I to love and explore it as well! We were amazed that he could read the clues when others spent their lives totally oblivious them. He would call us over and gently push his thumb into the soft ground and boost out a little toad completely hidden in dirt. Or hold a small stick over a pitted area in the dirt and have us watch a lion ant emerge to grab the bait. How did he know they were there?

He was never in a hurry to get to his "work" and always willing to spend the entire day with us, children who were at an age to mostly be considered a nuisance and sent on our way, but he treated us as fellow explorers, taking us on adventures as we examined and explored his world. He delighted to point out birds, wildlife and insects and share his insights into their particular habits and behaviors. He made the all seem incredibly fascinating! There were no creatures to large or small to escape his notice. My sense of him, even at that young age, was that I was in the presence of a 'master' who had given his life to the study of nature and the world around him. But even at my young age, I also had a real strong impression that Uncle Donald did not live up to the standards of industry and work ethic that were expected of a man of his age and responsibility.

His cattle all had names, and his farm cats followed at his heels wherever he went. He put such joy in all of the daily routines of farm life and took me into an enchanted world of his making. Memories of the cats, named after beautiful women, sitting up on their haunches begging for a squirt of milk straight from the cow's udders, of being given hard ears of field corn and taught how to shell it for the cows, rescuing and nurturing an orphaned kitten which he later gave me--much to my mother's chagrin. All of the animals loved him, and he went through his farm chores with such a slow paced delight in what he was doing that one had the feeling that to him, it was not work at all. Was he successful? Did he leave a huge inheritance for his family? Well, the answer would have to be no, but he did leave a legacy in my life, of opening my eyes to the world that God has given to us to watch over, and a lifelong respect and wonder in God's creation.

This is My Father's World!

This is my Father's world, and to my listening ears all nature sings,

and round me rings the music of the spheres.

This is my Father's world:

I rest me in the thought of rocks and trees,

of skies and seas; his hand the wonders wrought.



This is my Father's world, the birds their carols raise,

the morning light, the lily white, declare their maker's praise.

This is my Father's world: he shines in all that's fair;

in the rustling grass I hear him pass; he speaks to me everywhere.



This is my Father's world.

O let me ne'er forget that though the wrong seems oft so strong,

God is the ruler yet.

This is my Father's world: why should my heart be sad?

The Lord is King; let the heavens ring! God reigns; let the earth be glad!

From my earliest memory, this was one of my favorite songs! We sang it often in church, and my heart would sore with the wonder and joy of God's majesty and the way all of creation declared His wonder! I never felt that God was closer in Church than He was in nature. I don't mean this in a "New Age" way, but in the way of Genesis 1 where it says, "In the beginning, God created." This song says it all, how can one look at this world and not see the hand of God upon it? I hope that this blog will in some way be able to draw one to see the beauty of what He has given us, and allow the creation itself to speak to the excellencies of His Person. I want to share some of the photos that I have taken and trust that the beauty of His world will refresh your spirit and encourage your heart!

Beginnings can be very intimidating.

I always hate to begin a new journal, or in this case a new blog. There is such a sense of responsibility that those first words need to convey something profound or deeply significant. I have been known to skip a few pages in a new journal, just to avoid wasting those first pages on something mundane. Well, I started this blog in January and still have not "begun." I guess I needed a nudge from my dear friend, Vicky, who always has the skill to motivate and encourage me to be creative and really think!

I also want to thank Vicky for laboring to create this beautiful header which is a real encouragement to start this blog. I hope that these meditations will be worth the pixels on which they are imprinted in cyberspace.... OK, I know they are not imprinted on pixels, just using a little creative license here!!

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!

This is a perfect day to start a new blog! There is always something special about New Year's Day. We all feel it, don't we? Clean, pure, and unblemished--like the white snow that blankets my yard. New Year's Day is always filled with hope, resolutions and the idea of a fresh start! Several people called to wish Doug and I Happy New Year, adding I hope it is better for you than the last. 2007 was not an easy year for us and the changing of the calendar really does little to change our circumstances, but it still speaks of a fresh beginning.

Having gone through 54 of these "New Year's Day" fresh starts, I am growing wiser or maybe more realistic in understanding that while it is just a date on a calendar it is also perfect time to take stock of where I am, and to set some goals. As the years have progressed I find my goals to be more realistic, and hence, more likely to be accomplished! It is difficult when some of one's goals seem to fall outside of the realm of my control, for example, getting moved depends on our house selling. But lack of control makes one feel helpless, and that is not useful. I need to be responsible for those things that I can do, and then know that ultimately I am not in control. It is all in God's hands. I can make sure the house is in tip top shape, develop some schemes to advertise but I cannot make someone buy our house. Learning to know myself and my weaknesses is very valuable in overcoming them. Too often it is easy to just slide from day to day, but New Year's seems to be the perfect time to take stock, make plans and set goals. Happy New Year!

Jesus Longs for our Trust

"....But the boat was already a long distance from the land, battered by the waves; for the wind was against them.  And in the fourth watch of the night He came to them, walking on the sea.  When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, "It is a ghost!" And they cried out in fear.  But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid." Peter said to Him, "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water."  And He said, "Come!" And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus.   But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, "Lord, save me!"  Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and *said to him, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?"   When they got into the boat, the wind stopped.  And those who were in the boat worshiped Him, saying, "You are certainly God's Son!"   Matthew 14:24-33 (NASB) 

As I was reading and meditating on this passage, I had such a sense of how much Jesus longs for us to trust Him.  When Peter climbed out of that boat to walk on the water, he looked down at the waves and started to sink.  Jesus said, "Oh you of little faith, Why did you doubt?"  I had always thought of these words as a rebuke.  But then yesterday it was so clear to me, He revealed His heart in those words.  They were words of disappointment--sadness.  He so longs for someone to walk on the waters with Him.  He longed for those who knew Him best to overcome the limits of this world and by faith in Him reach the heights for which He created them.

He was rooting for Peter!  When Peter sank, He was so quick to grab him up, and did not allow him to flounder, but oh, how he wanted to see Peter walk to Him.  As long as Peter kept his eyes on Jesus, he walked on the water.  It was when he looked down and saw the waves that he lost his faith and began to sink.

It made me see faith, my desire for faith in a different way.  I believe I had picked up an understanding of faith as the necessary ingredient to getting prayers answered, a necessary ingredient to living our Christian lives...but it was in meditating on this passage that I saw faith is not some magical thing we need to have to make things "happen" but the measure of trust in Jesus that reaches Him despite the storms.  I desire to live by faith, not to "get answers to prayer" but to bless the heart of the One who longs for us to totally trust in Him.  Blessed is she who believes what has been spoken to her by the LORD!  By faith,  we can leap upon the mountains and walk on the water.  If we have faith in Him, we can go with Him wherever He goes, wherever He wants to take us and we will trust Him and not limit His ability to work in our lives.   Our faith blesses Him and causes us to meet the longing in HIS HEART for us  to be with Him where He is at.  He desires.  He longs.  He hopes.

I was seeing how Jesus set up this situation with the disciples in the boat to let them display their faith.  They had already gone through a storm in a boat with Jesus sleeping.  There they had revealed their lack of faith.  They had even really maligned Jesus love for them by asking Him if He even cared that they were perishing.

They had just watched Jesus feed the five thousand.  Then He sent them out in the boat, and He went to the mountain to be alone and pray.  He knew another storm was brewing.  It was an opportunity for them to show Him they were beginning to believe.  Beginning to break free from the constraints of this natural world and trust Him.  They really had not yet grasped WHO HE IS.   When Jesus had earlier calmed the storm, they asked "what kind of man is this...?"  This time they worshipped Him and KNEW that He was the Son of God.  This time they passed the test!!  Even though Peter sank, he had the faith to climb out of that boat and for even a brief moment walk on the water!! 

LORD,  I pray for our families, that You will prepare their hearts to KNOW YOU and to TRUST YOU to help them to weather the storms that You allow to come into their lives.  I pray that they will know that You do CARE.  That You long for them to trust You, so that You can lift them up and hold them as the waves batter them.  That You will be with them til their feet are planted surely upon the firm ground of heaven.  Lord, cause our families to WORSHIP YOU and KNOW YOU as the Son of God.  Speak to the Storms that batter them now, Speak stillness into their hearts.

I want to go back and look at the other situations where the Lord said, "Oh, you of little faith."  I had always read them as rebukes.  But when I was reading this the other day, it was as if deep understanding came with the words to see Jesus heart.  It is hard to even put it into words.  It was the longing for "companionship" but more than that, for koinonia, for closeness for someone to break through the barriers and limits of this natural world in order to be with Him, to be able to drink fully of all that He holds for us, not for those things, but for the joy of being totally free to trust Him. 

Lord give me the faith to get out of the boat and walk on water at Your command!  Fix my eyes so totally on You that I can't hear all the lies and arguments telling me that I can't do it!  If you say I can walk on water, LORD help me to believe You.  Help me to forget the storms raging around me.  Focus my eyes on you so that nothing else matters but Jesus.  Amen

God Said He Would Live

Little Guy was one of three kittens born of Lacy’s second litter.  He was a purebred Persian.  Lance and Lacy were both beautiful show quality Persians.  Lacy's first litter of five kittens (two white, one silver and two jet black) all died within a day or two of birth.   I tried to hand feed them, but she had no milk and they missed their mother’s first milk because they were born while I was at work.  In this litter, the first two kittens were born normally, but Little Guy was a breach and I had to assist his birth and wasn’t expecting him to be alive when he finally came into this world, but he was weak but still alive.  This time I was able to get  the kittens nursing immediately.  But the next morning one of the white kittens died.  Though they had nursed all night, it was clear their little tummies were empty.  

I was determined to do all I could to save these kittens.  I called my mother, who said they had a stray mama cat at the Humane Society with four 3 week old kittens.  I gathered Lacy and her two kittens and off we went to Sioux Falls.  Ryan was about 3 years old and he was praying for these kittens.  All day long my mom watched over the kittens with their surrogate mother.  They nursed but she repeatedly rejected them.  By late afternoon, the other white kitten was weak and gasping.  His belly bloated and he was obviously in pain.  Ryan and I prayed God would end his suffering which we were unable to “fix.”  He died in our hands almost immediately.  Little Guy, the weakest and smallest of the ittens was still alive….  He continued to try to nurse the stray mama. Lacy loved him and kept him clean but she had no milk.  The other kittens pushed him away from the surrogate mother.  I fed him every three hours.  I felt myself in an unseen battle to save this kitten.  I prayed constantly and asked myself why this kitten was so important.

I remember one night going for a walk and praying.  In between pleading for God to heal this kitten, I was asking God if I was fighting too hard for this one kitten when there were so many other uses for my time-- so many people who needed prayer… after all, this was “just a kitten.”  I felt the distinct impression of God’s voice saying this kitten would live.  Several
 weeks went by and Little Guy was smaller than a newborn kitten.  He had not grown at all.  He was thin and weak.  The other kittens were strong and growing every day.  They pushed Little Guy away when he attempted to nurse. … yet he lived.  Since he did not get the new mother’s milk, he was constantly plagued with constipation.  I had to give him mineral oil, and enemas.  There were times that I was sure he was going to go the same way the 2^nd white kitten had gone.  One time Darcy was holding him and we’d tried everything to get a bowel movement, nothing worked.  I told her I was going to go and pray… he immediately did what none of our efforts could accomplish.  Darcy’s eyes were opened to the power of prayer. 

At six weeks of age, he had now grown at all.  He was still the same size as a new born kitten.   My mom knew how hard I worked to save him and she felt she needed to keep me from being disappointed.  She told me over and over there was no way this kitten could make it.  And still he remained alive. 

The stray mama cat, as it turned out was covered in fleas, but I was afraid to use any chemicals on her or the kittens lest she ingest the toxins into her system and poison her milk.  Little Guy was also covered with fleas and his hair all fell out.  I knew the fleas were further sapping his strength and I tried to pick them off as best I could.

The stray mother was still his best source of milk, but she would take him out of the nice warm comfort of her bed and leave him alone on the cold linoleum.  One night, I came in to find the window open and a freezing cold wind blew through the window and this tiny kitten was laying on the cold floor in a puddle of water the mother cat had spilled.  He was nearly frozen, stiff and barely moving.  I warmed him up and dried him off, feeling there was no way he could survive this setback … and yet he lived! 

When he was four months old, Darcy came to visit with a litter of Persians.  They were about six weeks old and they looked enormous next to my scrawny little baby who could still fit in the palm of my hand.  He was about 3 inches tall.  We took pictures of him with her kittens because no one would believe he could be so stunted and still be alive. 

It was about this point that the other kittens got hold of him, pretending he was a mouse and sliced his tail.  He developed a bad infection and I could feel the heat of his fever before I even touched him, the heat just radiated off him.  I took him to the vet, who gave him antibiotics but he told me that he had no hope the kitten would survive given his terrible condition.  He said even the medication might kill him.   But he lived!!

What was really amazing was that even though he was that tiny and fighting for his life, he had the most loving heart!  You could hear his purr through a closed door.  His purr was so loud, you would not believe it could come from this tiny little frail body!  As he grew older, he wanted to use the litter pan, but he was too tiny to climb over the edge, so I had to adapt a cake pan for him. 

Several weeks after Darcy's visit, I was sleeping in the guest bedroom since Doug was gone.  I woke up in the night and the only way I can describe it was I sensed God’s healing presence in the house.  It was as if He was hovering in the room.  Lacy and Little Guy were sleeping in her bed in the closet because it was one of the warmest spots in the house.  I did not get up, but I sensed this presence was hovering over Little Guy.  I could not tell an immediate change in him.  He was eating on his own now but from that night, he started to grow.  His coat came in and he grew and grew!  He ended up being a 12 pound cat, much larger than his mother and nearly the same size as his dad!! 

I came to realize this was not just about a little kitten.  This was not just about God giving us a gift of a precious gentle kitten.   This was a lesson about faith.   It was God showing me that I can trust Him and believe what He tells me.   That faith is a decision not based on what we see but upon Who He is and what He has spoken.  This was a living miracle enacted before our eyes that not only strengthened my faith, it also showed Darcy and my mom that God is capable of miracles in our lives!!! 

We had Little Guy for twelve years, and during that time he helped me raise baby birds, loved on baby hamsters, played gently with our chinchillas, and was best friends with our baby bunny.  His shining moment was after the flood of ’97 when a man rescued a puppy from a guy who had just drowned the mama dog and the rest of her litter in the flood waters.  Since the vet’s office was under water, she asked me if I could take the little week old puppy to hand feed.  I brought him home and when he heard the puppy’s cries, Little Guy immediately became the puppy’s surrogate mother.  He stayed with the puppy night and day, keeping him clean and warm  and loved until he was old enough to be weaned. 

I believe the reason that Little Guy was so full of love for all of God’s creatures is that he was a total  miracle himself.  I have no doubt in the world that the only reason we had Little Guy was that God chose to give us this kitten as a gift and witness of His love.